skaldadottir: Firefly: Kaylee (I'm gonna live)
Gabe ([personal profile] skaldadottir) wrote2012-05-29 01:19 pm

Lies I Tell Myself


1. That I am stupid.
I am terrible, terrible, terrible about this one. I feel socially stupid around my peers, and often academically stupid because I don't have a 4.0, I don't have scholarships or awards. I don't get straight A's.

Truth is, though, I'm not stupid. When I apply myself and study, I get very good grades. I got a 30 cumulative on my ACT. I almost always make it through classes. I have succeeded over hurdles like my Calculus curriculum. I have and have kept a job for over three years now. I'm still in school, in one of the hardest majors the college offers. I learn quickly, I have common sense, and am all together pretty darn bright.

I may do stupid things sometimes, but that does not make me inherently stupid. I make mistakes, like everyone does. And that is okay.


2. That I am disgusting.
I don't clean enough. I always worry how I look and smell. I hate sweating. I'm embarrassed for people to come over because I feel my house is messy. There is especially fur everywhere.

But I'm basically a clean person, especially when I'm not depressed. I practice good hygiene, I do my laundry and clean, I sweep, hell I just bleached my floors. My house does not have to be perfect. I live with four animals; yeah, there is going to be fur everywhere. I can learn to control it and take better care of it, but it's never going away.

And that's okay. A bit of cat or dog fur does not make me an inherently disgusting person.


3. That I am annoying.
I always worry I am annoying people. I always worry people don't actually want to talk or play with me. I worry they are just humoring me and talk about me behind my back. I'm afraid to talk about things I love because I don't want to bother people.

If I am so annoying, why do I have so many people that support me? Why do I have 63 friends on my Plurk? Why do I have great conversations with people when I actually reach out and talk to them? Why can I almost never reach tag nirvana if people are just humoring me by playing with me? Why do people tease me about never being around? It's because they want me around.


4. That no one will ever fall in love with me.


5. That I have silly interests.


6. That I'll never finish school.


7. That I'll never finish a book.


8. That I'm lazy.


9. That something is wrong with me.


10. That I'm boring.


11. That I'm fat.


11. That I'll never be fluent in a foreign language.


12. That I'll never be comfortable with people.


13. That I am irresponsible.


14. That I am an attention whore.


15. That no one wants to be around me.


16. That I'll never not be depressed.

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